nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
