Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
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seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My bed smells like the plague
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