well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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