Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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