then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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