If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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