I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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