You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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