I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
