he wants to bone in the snuggie
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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