Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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