I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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