saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
