Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
