after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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