shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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