Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
