Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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