After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
