he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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