cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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