I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
