i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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