He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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