OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
