evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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