I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Im part way to drunk.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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