im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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