proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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