$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
