where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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