If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Someone shattered a urinal.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
