so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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