I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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