I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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