You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
