we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
