she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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