im drinking this country out of the recession.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
