drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
