then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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