The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
