Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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