Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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