one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
3 2 1 whiskey
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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