Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
