My underwear smells like fireworks.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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