were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
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Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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