Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
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