Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
