Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
