then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
