I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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