im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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