I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
