My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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