Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
