I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
