I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
