why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
