apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
